


The Trouble with Being a Ghost

by AstralTrickster



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: (eventually) - Freeform, (sort of), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Temporary Character Death, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Persona 5 Spoilers, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Work In Progress, no set update schedule
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25210465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstralTrickster/pseuds/AstralTrickster
Summary: The relationship between a thief and the detective pursuing him was complicated enough before a rapid-fire series of scares.Then, That Happened.A look into how loss and reunion can change a relationship - and how sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 22





	The Trouble with Being a Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> A heads-up: At this time, I'm only just getting back into writing after a...long unintended break. This is the beginning of a pretty big thing that's been stuck in my head. Updates to this thing might happen two days in a row, or they could take months. I don't even guarantee they'll come in order. In fact, this probably isn't going to stay the beginning.
> 
> By reading this story, you are agreeing to put up with that.
> 
> This note will also be updated in the future.

1/18 6:16 PM

> | Hey, Goro, I know you're probably tired, but can you come to the jazz club with me tonight?
> 
> | I've been thinking about a lot of things and I have a lot I need to talk to you about, and I’d like to do it somewhere nice.
> 
> | …I just realized how that might have sounded – it's nothing bad! I just want to go back there with you again and just...talk.

Akechi glared at his phone, taken aback by receiving a message, much less an invitation to go somewhere. True, he was tired, to the point of being a little annoyed, but at least the prospect sounded better than staring at the ceiling and contemplating the gap in his memory.

> | I was planning on just going home tonight and resting.
> 
> | But, sure. I’ll meet you there in about 20 minutes.

Akira replied immediately.

> | Great!
> 
> | I was already doing some shopping in Kichijoji, so I’ll just be waiting for you outside.
> 
> | See you soon!

His message was a bit of an understatement – he was already standing outside, occasionally looking in, hands shaking at the idea of facing this place again for the first time since November. He’d been debating sending the invitation for 15 minutes.

He’d been waiting for the opportunity to have this conversation for nearly two months now – with the opportunity finally here, his nerves were running wild. The only thing scarier than the thought of staying here and actually having this talk was the idea of not doing it.

Akira’s face lit up as Akechi approached. The familiar face, in these familiar lights, in this familiar place, was almost enough to knock him off his feet.

“Glad you could make it. Come on, I’m paying – let’s go,” he said, gesturing to the door. He let Akechi lead, mostly for the fact that he didn’t want to take his eyes off him in this moment, and when the familiar smell hit as he stepped inside, and the sound of glasses clinking accompanied the smooth music playing as they set up for the live show to begin, he was overwhelmed by a warmth that he’d feared he’d never feel again.

“Akechi! Kurusu! It’s been a while! Welcome back!” Muhen said, and snapped Akira out of his daze.

“It has been, hasn’t it? Glad to be back,” Akira said as he pulled out his wallet to pay.

“Looks like your usual table is open. Have a seat, we’ll get your drinks right out to you.”

Akira moved slowly on the way to his seat, somewhat in awe of what he’d just heard. _Their usual table._ The idea that they had such a thing together, that other people _recognized_ it-

“Are you going to sit down?” Akechi asked as he took his seat.

“Yeah – sorry I’m a little off tonight, but can you really blame me?” Akira replied, fumbling a little with his chair as he tried to ground himself the best he could with the world in the state it was in.

“What do you mean ‘can I blame you?’” Akechi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Goro, don’t you get it? This is the first time we’ve been here together – the first time I’ve been able to face this place at all – since-”

“Since I killed you. Yes, I’m aware.”

Akira sighed and placed his hands on the table. “Since – Goro, I thought you were dead for the better part of a month. Now you’ve been back for just as long, but we haven’t really gotten a chance to just get together and talk about anything other than the mission at hand.”

“What else is there to talk about between us?”

Akira lowered his head and laughed weakly. “ _Everything_. You – you really don’t get it, do you?”

“No, I don’t. I tried to kill you, twice, and yet ever since I've been back you've been clinging to me like some kind of lost puppy. What kind of sense is that supposed to make?”

“I’m almost offended that you think that would be enough to get rid of me,” Akira teased, leaning forward as the prerecorded music began to fade in preparation for the live set. “I’m serious, though, Goro – you’re not just my sworn rival or my part-time teammate; I thought you knew that by now. All the time we've spent together, I've spent with you because it made me happy. Sure, thanks to the pancake incident, I knew from day one that we were eventually going to clash somehow, and at first I thought all this would ever be was some kind of keep-your-friends-close-but-your-enemies-closer gambit, and that was exciting but...that lasted for, I don't know, maybe a week? The more time we spent together, the more I realized...there's something special about you. About us."

The piano started to play, as their drinks were set out in front of them. Akechi leaned back in his seat as he took a sip, watching intently, and a faint hint of a curious smirk appeared on his face as if to say “no, don’t stop there – please, go ahead, stroke my ego harder.”

“Goro, I’m going to...break character, I guess. I’m going to be direct with you, because as much as I love the way we’ve been able to just communicate in codes and implications we come up with on the fly and still understand each other – it’s one of the first things that made me realize that we had something amazing between us – I can’t let this be something you can tell yourself you misinterpreted when it’s convenient anymore. Our rivalry meant so much to me because for all you thought improvement was effortless for me, for all you resented that, it never was. _You’re_ the one who pushed me the hardest to be the best I can be; I worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my _life_ to reach the point where I could challenge you, because I knew that if I couldn’t stand on equal footing with you, the best team in the world wouldn’t be able to save me – and because...when it came to the less critical things, win or lose, I didn’t want to leave you disappointed. Admit it, if you could just crush me at everything we do without even having to try, it wouldn’t be fun, now would it?”

Akechi just sighed and crossed his arms over his chest as Akira paused, waiting for another break in the music. Sure, what Akira just said was true, but Akechi wasn’t about to confirm it.

“But it’s not just that – maybe the most important thing is how...we can just come to places like this and relax together, how I can just enjoy your presence even if we don’t have anything to talk about. My point is – as stupid as it might be after the note we left off on...Goro, _I love you_. I’ve loved you damned near since day one.”

Akechi gasped almost silently as Akira lowered his head and clenched his shaking hands together. His voice grew weaker and quieter as he continued. “All the time I thought you were gone – I _hated_ myself for not saying it outright before, for just leaving it in codes and actions and implications. I kept wondering, every damned day, if I’d just said it, unambiguously, so you couldn’t think you just read too much into it in moments like – like _then_...would it have changed what happened? I know, there’s no way to say what could have been, but...well, it’s not important anymore, is it? You’re _back_ , and in the end, _that’s_ what I wanted, more than anything else in the world--”

Oh no. The record scratch that played in Akechi’s head was so loud that at first he thought something had gone wrong with the music, and he fumbled to set his drink down before he dropped it. He had to bite his tongue to avoid making the biggest scene this club had ever seen, but he still screamed inside his head-

_“You idiot! Did you even hear what you just said!?”_

He’d had his suspicions about where the gap in his memory came from. Now they were all but confirmed.

And through it all, Akira continued on, seeming blissfully unaware.

“I just – I _never_ want to lose you again. Never. That’s why I’ve been thinking a lot about what we’re going to do after this is all over; I’ve only got two months left that I’m staying here, and I think it goes without saying that it’s...complicated to even consider what that means right now, let alone try to prepare for it, and I know this is a lot to ask of you, but...if it’s possible, I want you to come home with me.”

Akechi clenched his fists under the table, his entire body stiff as a board, wanting to scream, wanting to tell Akira to just shut up already, but knowing that if he brought it up now the fallout would, at best, undoubtedly get them banned from his favorite jazz club, and that would be a shame in what seemed to be the last two weeks he’d “exist” to enjoy it.

“You really think that’s possible? Even if it were that simple for me to just move, hours away, what about your parents?” he asked instead.

“I’ve already told them all about you – I...I’ve bragged about you a lot. They want to meet you; I think you’ll like them a lot, and I know they’ll like you – they already do based on everything I've told them – so like I said, I know it’s a lot to ask, I know you’ve been on your own for a long time, and it’d be a big change, and no matter how welcoming we may be you probably don’t want to just move right in with a couple of adult men you’ve never met, but...at the very least I’d love it if you could come visit for a while, see how you feel, let us figure out where to go from there. We don’t have to set anything in stone yet, of course, but I do want to make sure you know...the option is there, and if it’s possible I really want you to take it because – I know we’re still pretty young to be thinking about it seriously, but after all we’ve already been through, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you someday! We have plenty of time to figure out the details, but what I do know for sure is...I want to stay with you. _Forever_.”

Akechi gritted his teeth, barely restraining himself from reminding Akira of the nature of the world they were currently in, internally begging for him to _just stop_ , painfully aware that for all he knew this conversation wasn’t even happening; it was just Maruki’s way of granting his own wish for a family – nice of him to consider the guy who died six weeks ago, at least.

“If my schedule allows, I’ll consider it. Remember, we don’t know what’s going to happen after this one. For all we know I’ll have to go right back to jail to deal with Shido’s mess again.” 

_(Or, you know. Just stop existing.)_

“I kind of figured...I guess that’s all I can really ask for,” Akira said as he reached for a clean napkin and the pen in his pocket. “Here – in case you can make it, but not until later, here’s my address. I’m heading back on March 20 – if you want to just drop in, any time, you’ll be welcome.”

"...you're giving directions to your _house_ to someone who tried to _murder_ you. _Twice_. Either you barely have enough common sense to _breathe_ , or you have some kind of death wish."

"Get used to it. You should have figured out by now, people do stupid things when they're in love." Akira smiled as he underlined the date and shoved the napkin into Akechi’s hands. “Besides, I trust you’re not going to do it again; as much as you might not like it, I remember everything you said after the first time.”

“And if you _ever_ bring that up again, I’ll prove you wrong,” Akechi hissed as he read over the address, then folded the napkin up and shoved it into his breast pocket.

"That's fine, I'll shut up. After all, we're here to enjoy the music as much as we're here to talk, anyway, right? Just like before," Akira said, his voice breaking toward the end, as he reached to hold Akechi's hand under the table.

_Just like before._

Just like everything that tried to drive them apart over the past two months had never happened.

And as Akira relaxed, Akechi began to do the same. He still internally cursed the cruel joke that was this situation, where for the first time in his life, he almost believed that the offer of a stable home and a happy future might have a 2% chance of being real, but only now that he himself probably didn’t exist – but if there was nothing to do about it for now, if he’d been granted another few weeks, against his will, by a broken man’s hubris, he might as well try to enjoy it in the few moments that seemed almost believable. Almost.

The music stopped about the same time as the two finished their drinks. Akira was hesitant to leave, even more so than usual, but the time had come. Akechi stood up, and Akira followed, and the two headed out the door together and began to make their way back to the train station.

Then, just before they reached their destination, Akira grabbed Akechi by the wrist and stepped into an alcove, away from prying eyes, and caught Akechi’s eyes, his face sharp, calm, and stern.

“I know there’s something you’re not telling me. I saw how tense you were for half of our conversation in there. Whatever it was...tell me when you’re ready. Directly, indirectly, whatever you want, but if it’s as important as it seems, tell me.”

Akechi blinked and contemplated lying, claiming he had no idea what Akira was talking about, or saying that it wasn’t important, but quickly reconsidered – he’d already been called out pretty clearly, and there was probably no getting around this one.

“I’m sure I will soon enough,” he said.

“Yet again, that’s all I can ask for,” Akira replied. “So, do you want to come back with me after this?”

"Another time," Akechi replied, and his gaze drifted downward – he wanted to say yes, but the fear of letting tonight's realization slip, less than gently, held him back. It was an unpleasant enough possibility even before considering the possibility that he’d just disappear into nothing if Akira knew. "Let's meet again tomorrow."

"All right, it's a date!"

Akechi rolled his eyes and fought back a laugh, while Akira quickly glanced around to make sure they were still alone. As soon as any passers-by were out of sight, he brushed some strands of Goro’s hair out of his face with his hand and leaned in for a kiss for what felt like both the millionth and the first time. After a second or so of real time, that felt like a peaceful hour and the blink of an eye all at once, Akira pulled back with a peaceful smile that morphed into a playful smirk as he turned and started heading for his gate.

“See you tomorrow!”


End file.
